My beloved maternal grandmother, Mdm Chew Siew Hong, fondly known as Ah Ma by all her grandchildren, passed away peacefully on Wednesday, 28 Mar 2018. I delivered my first eulogy on behalf of her grandchildren. The eulogies of Cousins Grace and Kenneth are also included here as a keepsake for my extended family.


As read yesterday at her funeral service yesterday (Friday, 30 Mar 2018) ...

I have been blessed to know Ah Ma for 41 years of my life. As my first caregiver when my parents were working in Singapore, she took care of all my daily needs (for about 3 years). I always admire her for the inner strength she possessed, evidently seen in how she dealt with her life challenges.

I fondly remember that whenever we went back to her house at Taman Sentosa in Melaka, I would ask to sleep in her bedroom. She loved singing and we often sang Chinese Christian songs till late. She would always share stories of her life too. Little does she know that many of her stories inspire me and give me strength 'til today.

My Chinese name was given by my grandparents. Ah Ma shared the significance of the name once, and I didn’t think much about it back then. Ah Ma, I hope I have lived up to the name you gave me.

For this eulogy, I reached out to my cousins and asked them how Ah Ma has impacted their lives. Their responses paint a beautiful portrait of the grandmother we all knew and loved. I will highlight some and share with all of you.

[1] Strong faith in God

Ah Ma was a faithful believer of God. The deep trust she had in God has touched the hearts of many of her grandchildren. Some of us have heard this story from her - there was once, Ah Ma was at a loss because she was short of money to pay for the university fees of an uncle. (Two other uncles needed financial help at the same time.) She turned to God and prayed fervently. After the prayer, a gust of wind blew the pages of the Bible in front of her and she saw a verse that comforted her. With that, she placed her faith in the providence of God and managed to get around the problem she faced.

[2] Love for the family and church

As the matriarch of the family, she availed herself to take care of the needs of her children and grandchildren. One of my fondest memories of celebrating Chinese New Year in Melaka was seeing the big feast that she would painstakingly prepare, with the help of her daughters and daughters-in-law.

One of my cousins recounted his experience of being disciplined by Ah Ma. He was told to sleep alone in the adjacent room for being rebellious. It was a horrible experience for a 5-year-old kid but he learnt his lesson. That was our Ah Ma - she played multiple roles to us - a caring grandmother, a cook, a discipline mistress and many more.

Ah Ma actively served in many congregations, giving her time and energy, bringing joy to many. When I was young and used to follow her to the Christ Church at Melaka, I often saw her talking and smiling to many people. It was as if she knew everyone there.

Through her life, Ah Ma planted the seed of God’s words in us and showed us how to be a humble servant of God’s family.

After her stroke, although she was not the Ah Ma who was once full of energy, singing whenever and wherever, she still showed her love for us through her smiles when we visited.

Tomorrow we will bid our last farewells to Ah Ma. We know this is just a temporary goodbye and we will meet again someday. The legacy she lives behind will continue to live through each of us - her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

I am proud to be a part of this closely-knitted extended family. This wouldn’t have been possible if not for Ah Ma and Ah Gong’s way of bringing up their children.

Ah Ma, thank you for all the small and big things you have shown through your life on earth.



Eulogy from cousin Grace:
Ah Ma, as I fondly recall, is a woman who loves God and puts her family ahead of herself.

For as long as I can remember, Ah Ma was a woman who spent on and pampered her loved ones and scrimped and saved on herself. Though they weren't from a well-to-do family, Ah Ma and Ah Gong raised 9 children while living very frugal lifestyles. When I was much younger, my cousins and I would call each other on Saturday nights to find out if they were free to visit our grandparents and we would congregate to play at Ah Ma's house. The highlight of the visit to Ah Ma's house (besides playing with my cousins) was getting gifts from Ah Ma. She would always have a collection of toys and knick-knacks for us to choose from whenever we visited her, which was her way of showing her love for us. By God's grace, our grandparents' home was always filled with laughter and us grandchildren running around.

Ah Ma was also a devoted Christian who spent at least 5-6 days a week in church, except on Mondays when she used to do housework and run errands. She delighted in worshipping God and had many close friends in church. After her stroke in 2010, she could no longer recognise her family members but continued to have much delight and joy in her eyes when she went to church to worship God.

Thank you, Ah Ma, for the many life lessons that I have learnt, and for your love all these years. You have led a long and fruitful life, finished the race, and have kept the faith and are now with our Heavenly Father. How apt it is this Good Friday, that we no longer mourn the death of Jesus Christ and our grandmother, but rejoice in His resurrection. May you rest in peace and see you again!


Eulogy from cousin Kenneth:

Our Grandma led a simple life, one that was hard and often times unsweetened. But what we as her grandchildren will remember her for is throughout her life of raising her children, she made our lives much more fruitful than her own. We now live our lives that are filled with complexities, but are surrounded by family and friends that love us, are relatively well-to-do, educated, and even made names for ourselves.

We believe our grandma lived the simple life, but one that is honourable, difficult, yet the most fulfilling way to live as seen by the fruits of her labour.

In the 92 years of her life she has lived, she has gathered knowledge and wisdom, lived through hardship and joy, and got to live a life that is what we believe God wants to do in this life, loving our God and the people around us.

We can only imagine how much we can glean from her life story, however, due to her fading memory and personality in the final years of her life. Although her life before that may have been more meaningful to her, we got to see her as she truly is, and through her final acts, she is a shining example of how we can live ours even when we are living in a complex world and are afflicted with the toils of life.

Firstly: She was very cheerful. We loved how she would try her very best to sing hymns of praise to the Lord, and the big smiles on her face that she had. As the Bible said, “A cheerful heart has a continual feast” (Proverbs 15:15). She lived the best moments of her life by being real as children of God.

She showed us the gift of the love of Christ: Even though her personality may have faded, her love for God remained. Her worship was vibrant and cheerful, and her faith was unwavering.

With these gifts she had given us in the late years of her life, and by how she had opened so many paths for us to choose how we can lead our lives, we always have her memory as a beacon, never to be overwhelmed by the hardships of life as she had done. 

If your outllook in life is greyed by the struggles of life, remember this: The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.—Psalm 23:1–4

We will always remember the love she had for us, and we must continue to show love to each other and those around us:  “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”—John 15:12–13


Last but not least, she has shown us that throughout our lives, God is with us: And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.—Romans 8:28

1926 - 2018

Ah Ma's body was cremated on Saturday, 31 March 2018. She is richly blessed by God with 6 sons, 3 daughters, 5 daughters-in-law, 2 sons-in-law, 18 grandchildren, 9 grandchildren-in-law and 14 great-grandchildren. 

(Missing her dearly as I write this.)

According to the statistics in 2017, Singapore has a 97.2 percent literacy rate among residents aged 15 years and older. That doesn't mean, though, that our reading culture looks as promising. Dr Yaacob Ibrahim, Minister for Communications and Information, highlighted that more can be done to encourage locals to pick up reading.

In my family, we strongly believe that good reading habits will bring our kids far, so we encouraged reading when each kid was between 1 to 3 months old. You can certainly start earlier, but for us, the mad routine of breastfeeding and changing diapers took more of our attention. As things got calmer at home, the reading journey also began.


When we were rookies in the parenting world, we picked up books based on instincts - colourful pictures, big words, interesting and simple storyline etc. We didn't know if the books were "good" books and if they were at a suitable reading level. We also only relied on the choices available at bookstores like Borders and Kinokuniya. Sometimes, we would ask our friends for recommendations of good titles to get.

OWL READERS CLUB

OTHER GOOD STUFF FROM OWL READERS CLUB

There are many more great features of Owl Readers Club which I'll leave you to uncover. Here's highlighting a few which I'm keen to explore further!

4. Be an Owl Star member (paid membership) for as low as $8.17 a month to get double the points and be included in the exclusive club events and benefits!

5. Join the Owl Readers Club events and meet with other families. In this way, we can encourage one another in this journey to cultivate the love for reading in our families.

Our present for K's birthday

As Hal Elrod said, "The quality of our life is impacted by the quality of our habits." so why not raise an avid reader in your child from young? For a peace of mind that the books you get for your child are of high quality, carefully curated by a team of parents who love books and wants to inculcate the same love to every child, it is worth visiting the Owl Readers Club and see the good stuff for yourself.

 SPECIAL GIVEAWAY! (15 Mar - 20 Mar) 

In conjunction with World Down Syndrome Day 2018 on March 21st, Owl Readers Club is spreading the love for books by giving a $50 store credit to ONE lucky reader!

In the earlier days, children with Down syndrome were assumed to be incapable of learning to read at all by most professionals and there was very little research to find out reasons for their spoken language difficulties. Now, we know that this can be achieved with appropriate strategies, patience and with the family's support.

Melissa, a founding member of Owl Readers Club, shared her take on inculcating reading habits for children with me, "We wholeheartedly believe that all children will benefit from being read to starting from a young age, and it is important to help them nurture a love for reading from young!

Some may sit still earlier than others, some may learn to communicate earlier than others, but one thing for sure, all children love sitting on their parents’ laps and love being read to.

It shouldn’t, therefore, come across as a surprise that children with Down Syndrome will enjoy this wonderful family bonding activity that can be carried out at any of their waking moments and anywhere!. As they say, reading (or being read to) calms the mind!"

HOW TO ENTER THE GIVEAWAY

My Man with our vibrantly-coloured vegetable bouquet

I chose the 5 to 10 pm standard delivery time slot, hoping that the vegetable bouquet would reach our place later than Hubby (tried my luck and indicate a preferred timing). It arrived around 7pm but thankfully, I was prepared for that and cleared part of my fridge to maintain its freshness. The bouquet was heavy with every item firmly attached, so there is no need to worry about a loosened vegetable. The kids pinched off a grape and exclaimed that it was very sweet and fresh. 

"Congratulations! You are a lucky winner of the AirAsia's T4 Changi Open House Contest! You have won for yourself 2 x flight vouchers to Kuching!", I read aloud.

Woohoo! We won air tickets! ... Wait ... to Kuching? Sounds like a boring place for kids. What can we do there? Honestly, that was my first reaction after knowing that our Instagram photo (below) won us two return flight tickets. A little disappointed, I left the vouchers aside as I was hoping to win a more exciting getaway.


IMO, it is not easy to plan for family holidays with 3 kids ranging from 6 to 12 years old, whose idea of a good holiday is staying in a hotel all day and eating the same food for every meal if they find one that they like. Also, K's walking ability is currently that of a 2yo so we still need a pram if we want to venture out for a few hours. Thus, the places we visit must be interesting enough to draw them away from their "ideal holiday" and easy to get around.

It was two months later that a chat with a friend piqued my interest in Kuching again. He remarked that Kuching is a place worth visiting for its cultural attractions and local food. I recall my unclaimed prize and was inspired to find out more about this place, other than it is the capital of Sarawak (East Malaysia), the hometown of one of my aunts and that the name means "cat" in Malay. Based on recommendations from my aunt and her brother (Thanks for your help, Uncle Alfred!), as well as a few top-rated family travel websites, here is our list of the best things we want to do in Kuching with our children. Be ready to get charmed by Kuching's unique beauty!

Kuching welcomes visitors warmly, but it does not put on an act for them. Instead it goes about its own business in a relaxed manner that hasn't changed in 160 years of vibrant culture, crafts and cuisines. - Sarawak Tourism Board

Best Food to Eat in Kuching

Haha, American food writer, Mary Frances Kennedy Fisher, nailed the Singaporean's love for food when she said this -


hence, let's talk about Kuching food first! Being a multi-racial city, you would expect Kuching to have the typical Malaysian cuisine from various ethnic groups. Sarawak Laksa, Kolo Mee, Kek Lapis (a layered cake), rojak, prawn fritters, jungle fern (midin) and seafood are some of the "must try" local delicacies.

Sarawak Laksa at Choon Hui Cafe

Midin, a jungle fern. Best stir-fried with belacan or garlic

Local Aboriginal Food

Although Western fast-food joints are commonly found in this city, looking at the long list of recommendations from well-known food blogger Thanis Lim and travel blogger Christine Ka'aloa, I am sure there is no need for these backup meals for my kids.

Best Places to Visit in Kuching

Kuching Waterfront 

Golden Anniversary Bridge (inaugurated on 11 Nov 2017)

Spacious walkway on the Golden Anniversary Bridge

Described by writer Derek Kho as the "DNA of this city", the Waterfront is a testament to Kuching's history. Take a leisure walk on the newly opened Golden Anniversary Bridge (also known as Danu Hana Bridge) across the Sarawak River to enjoy in recreational activities at the north part and soak in the beautiful riverfront view of old and new Kuching. Or walk along the riverside and enjoy the bustling of food stalls and restaurants in the evening. 

You can also get across the Sarawak River on a sampan (RM1 per person per trip) to the opposite side or cruise along the river in style for a relaxing introduction to Kuching.

Sampan ride along Sarawak River

Sarawak River Cruise

Main Bazaar

A shop at Main Bazaar

Semenggoh Wildlife Centre

Damai Beach

Things to take note

:: There are many interesting events and festivals held in Kuching. Uncle Alfred recommends visiting in August as the annual Kuching Festival is usually held to boost local tourism and food industry. The food fair is one of the main attractions of this festival where you can savour the local delicacies.

:: Public transport is almost non-existent but it is easy to get around with a pair of walking shoes. Else, just Grab as the fares are very affordable.

:: Kuching also has a few shopping malls and kids entertainment near the Waterfront. Modern civilisation is not that remote in Kuching.

Conclusion

Writing this post has changed my initial impression of Kuching and I really hope to visit with the family one day. It is very cheap and easy to fly to Kuching, thanks to Air Asia Malaysia, and the journey takes about 1h 30m from the new Changi Airport Terminal 4. Get your flight tickets here.

Do you know of any other fun things that families with young kids can do in Kuching? Let me know in the comments.

Like this post? Share it with your friends!

Disclosure: All the photos used have been given permission by the photographers for the purpose of this article.

Guest contributor:
Nur Ilyana

(When Mary invited me to write on her blog, my mind raced at 150 km/h. My writing bug has come alive, after years of being suppressed! I was itching to write! I was thinking of all the topics that I could write about, pertaining to Down Syndrome. I was excited, to say the least. Literally minutes after the invite, I immediately penned down my draft.)

Before I dive into the topic at hand, allow me to give you a brief backstory. (Disclaimer: the word ‘brief’ is used loosely here, hehe)

My two elder kids, Adrianna and Aniq, are typically-developing children. They’re the most awesome siblings to Alyssa, my youngest. She has Trisomy 21, which is commonly known as Down Syndrome. I only knew of her condition when she was born, more than seven years ago. From December 2009, my life has been painted with a myriad of colours -colours which I did not even know existed. To say that it has been a roller-coaster ride is an understatement.



Before becoming a SAHM, I was an education officer. The passion started off with relief teaching when I realised that engineering wasn’t my forte. Then in 1999, I served my six months of contract teaching, and then to NIE, after which I became a full-fledged teacher. Fast forward to 2010, when Alyssa was several months old, I decided that everything was too much for me. I left the service, and have been a teacher for my school of three ever since. :)

I believe that everything happens for a reason. And I believe that all my years as an education officer culminates in me being able to understand how a child’s mind works, and have a relatively good grasp of the basics to teach Alyssa.

It has not been easy, I must admit. I was initially struggling to cope with reality, with my emotions, with society’s perceptions, all at once. They say when it rains, it pours. And oh boy, did it pour! Unknown to me, a storm was coming my way. The weather quickly started to change for me. Sunshine was replaced with dark skies. And one of the biggest pills I had to swallow was the stigma of not being like any Tom, Dick or Harry. Society’s perception of being ‘different’ was harrowing. Back then, I used to notice every single look that people were giving her. I became paranoid and got so worked up every time someone stared at her. I remember feeling like giving them a piece of my mind, every time it happened. I used to cry my eyes out behind closed doors, almost every single day. 

Lessons on having a strong Support system

Thankfully, over the years, with my strong support system, I was able to change my outlook on life as a whole. I got over the denial, the grief and became stronger, in every sense of the word. Never can stress enough how pertinent a strong support system is. I’ve got a wonderful husband who quietly supports every move I make. Him just being there for me, is all that I can ask for. My family members rally around me, giving me moral support and words of encouragement. Their smiles give me much hope for the bleak future I used to think Alyssa would have. Friends, they come and go. I must admit, it’s through this testing period that you know the true meaning of friendship. As a staunch believer of ‘everything happens for a reason’, I know that those who left have imprinted their footprints and made a difference in my life, one way or another. When one leaves this weary heart of mine, another enters. I’ve made wonderful new friends. People who walk the same scenic route as me. And as a bonus, I’ve managed to rekindle old friendships -something which I think would never have happened if Alyssa had never come into the picture. Cause it’s with her existence that old friends start to reconnect (via Facebook and Instagram) and offer their words of support.

Lessons on Humanity

Over a span of seven years, I’ve begun to view people in a different light. As I ignored the stares, my focus shifted to the more positive side of humanity. I see more people smiling at Alyssa and me. They smile with such kind eyes that made me change my whole focal point. I paid more attention to those smiles and less on the stares. I remember asking myself what have I been doing all these while, concentrating on the negatives? I slowly gained my confidence, smiling back, and at times, striking conversations with total strangers. #faithinhumanityrestored

Lessons on Ability

Back when Alyssa was just a few months old, I started reading up on what Down Syndrome was all about. That was a big mistake. As I researched more into it, I got more and more depressed. It snowballed to a point where I gave up and saw no hope in her future. I must say that the books that I’ve found in our libraries were not much of a help to shed positive light onto this condition that I knew nought of. All I read was what people with Down Syndrome could not do, what kind of medical conditions and complications they can develop and the most depressing of all, the short lives that they will lead. I immediately stopped. I focused on Alyssa’s developments. Trying hard to forget the pessimistic views that were at the back of my mind, I started to care for her, like how I did for my first two children but paying more attention to her delayed developmental areas. 

As she grew, I noticed that taking care of her wasn’t that much different from how I took care of her elder siblings. I distinctly remember the first time I saw the potential in her. It was when she was four months old. The books that I’ve read all told me how she will have low muscle tone, how she was gonna be floppy, her neck muscles are not going to be strong, etc. To me, she defied the odds, when at four months, during tummy time, she could hold her head up for a long period of time. Her eyes were bright and alert. At that moment, I decided to ignore all the inane information, and instead, devote my time and energy to give her the education she deserves.



A more recent ‘WOW’ moment Alyssa had was just a week ago. From being able to spell two- and three-letter words back in K1 and K2, my heart was filled with so much joy and pride for my little girl when she started spelling words like ‘nightmare’ and ‘quiet’, and also phrases like ‘foot of the bed’ and ‘as soon as’. Even the mistakes she made were minor -missing only a letter or two. What was more impressive was the fact that she had only practised the ten words and phrases just two days before her spelling exercise. I had underestimated her and she has proven me wrong, yet again.

This has spurred me on to continue teaching her and imparting as much knowledge as I can to her, because I know she’s learning all that is being taught to her. Though she might not regurgitate immediately, she’s absorbing the information, keeping it for another ‘wow’ moment in the future. *wink*

The bottom line is, do not let anything or anyone confine you to what you are able to do. Your ability is a combination of nature and nurture. It’s what you’re born with. And nurturing that innate ability will help hone it even further.

Lessons on Being Positive 

When things happen, especially when things I plan do not go my way, I take it as a sign that it’s for the better. Or that it has been replaced by something even better. I refuse to take it as a setback. Instead, I change it to an opportunity. A learning point, if it concerns me. And a teaching point, if it involves the kids. It is so much better to view it as such because mulling and complaining over something which is out of your hands is so very draining. It drains you of your energy and your capacity to move on. If it rains on your parade, just open your brolly and continue walking. Your clothes might get wet, but hey, standing in the rain won’t help, will it? Before you know it, the sun’s come out and the rainbow you’ve been waiting for is there, just for you!

I’m thankful to Alyssa for this journey which has its stops and starts. Without her, I would not have been able to re-look my view on life and be forever thinking that we have to be the best, the first at everything. We must be fast. We must climb to the top. Everyone is in it to win it.

Everything has changed for me. It’s such a beautiful world that Alyssa has shown me. 

You don’t need to be the best to be happy. You don’t have to be fast to be numero uno. You don’t have to win at everything. Be content. Be grateful. Be HAPPY. :)

Ilyana is a mother of three: a “newborn-mother” of a teenager, a soon-to-be “tween” and a primary-one-going child. The three children are her light, her heart and her soul. Seeing them grow and become the person each of them is now and will be, is a wondrous process for her. Connect with Ilyana on Facebook or Email.

And poo? Well, it’s just poo.

About Cheng-E
The overgrown kid of the family, an architect by day and author by night. Cheng-E also maintains a family blog and writes for the online magazine Special Seeds.

October is Down Syndrome Awareness Month in America. Riding on their campaign, I'm doing my part over here to raise awareness and spread some love for people with Down syndrome, one story at a time. For this special month, I invite you to hear from my friends in the Down syndrome community in Singapore. Today, we have Monika on the blog to share her son's story. 

Guest contributor:
Monika Anderegg

Together with my growing womb, dreams and expectations of my unborn child had been growing. I knew we were expecting a boy and in my imagination, I saw him playing soccer, protecting his older sisters, being smart, playful, naughty, funny, tall and strong and at the same time, gentle and charming. The world would be colourful and welcoming to him - anything seemed to be possible. 



With the diagnosis of Down Syndrome, it felt as if this huge and colourful world would shrink to a small, hard, unfriendly dark point and instead of "anything is possible", obstacles would plaster Nicolas' life journey. The curiosity behind questions faded away. Many options seemed to be reduced to finding at least one solution. There was no more “What would he become later in life?”, “Would he fall in love, get married and have children?”. No more happy questions, only sad things like “no” or “not possible” were in my mind and in my heart. 

It didn’t help that the hospital handed me an A4-sized document together with the confirmation of Down Syndrome. The list of additional conditions and diseases a child born with Down Syndrome might be prone to, ran two pages long with words in font size 8. 

Many weeks later, a family reached out to me. Their eldest daughter, who was a young teenager then, has Down Syndrome too. The family is very active - doing sports, travelling, and loves outdoor activities. They told me that they have never felt limited by their daughter's condition. She would come along wherever they went and participate in all activities. I guess that was the point when I started to rethink about our journey with Down syndrome and decided to focus on what my son was able to do, on his talents, on his preferences and to give him our utmost support instead of counting milestones and checking whether he would achieve them according to given developmental timelines. 

I also felt that we received very positive responses with friends who were surprisingly supportive. Friends would sit with him to paint and read stories together. They sang with him, carried him on their shoulders through events, and helped me open up and feel comfortable when we brought Nicolas out for gatherings.

I always was, and still am, touched when I observe with how much love and joy my daughters treat Nicolas. I can’t deny my fear of his future, disturbingly funny looks of people I don’t know yet, painful questions asked, but I try to give these worries very limited space in my heart. Instead, I remind myself to value the positive feelings, friendly looks and open questions of people who really want to learn more about people born with Down Syndrome. 

Nicolas featured on Impulse magazine (October 2017) for Therapeutic Riding lessons with THERIS

I have a new dream for my son. 

I see him opening the hearts of people and helping, in his special way, to build a base where everything is possible and to unite people with different stories, conditions, preferences, talents, speed and much more. Life is not an unfriendly dark point. It is colourful and full of surprises; everybody deserves the chance to pick them up in his or her own way and pace.

Life is not an unfriendly dark point. It is colourful and full of surprises; everybody deserves the chance to pick them up in his or her own way and pace. - Monika, mom of Nicolas

About Monika
Monika is a mom of three. Her youngest son Nicolas was born with Down Syndrome. She is a Singapore PR and works as a German teacher. Her family is very active, loves to do sports and spends a lot of time out in nature.