Then, on one occasion, an ex-student of mine visited me with her new-born. During our mom-to-mom sharing, she told me that she was surprised to hear some of the motherhood problems I had faced. In fact, I had given her the impression that I was a very capable Mom who could manage my kids well and that my life was full of positives because that was what she gathered from my blog and Facebook posts. Immediately, I felt guilty that I had given her that false impression - not because I had purposely faked it, but just because I didn't have an accurate portrayal of my own struggles and teary moments on my own grid.

Truth be told, 

I didn't tell you about those times where I had days of cold war with my hubby because he was annoyed when I talked to him in a condescending tone. 

I didn't tell you that I was annoyed with him for feeling annoyed.

I didn't tell you the number of escapes I made to the toilet just to cry my heart out and feeling so worthless as a Mom while my children dashed around outside my security zone like they were ready to declare war with one other. 

I didn't tell you how helpless I felt when I had tried all the strategies the many therapists suggested in order to improve K's speech (and feeding, walking, fine motor skills, recognising and understanding number concepts, blending 3-letter words, etc), but she just didn't show any bit of progress. I had felt like walking away from everything back then. 

I didn't tell you how much I yearned for a heart-to-heart talk with an adult, especially during the 2 years without a helper where I felt really lonely. I didn't have the courage to share my problems because I didn't want to burden another soul with them. Instead, I secretly "let go" in my personal diary coloured with plenty of hate words and hand-drawn emojis to regulate my own emotions.

I didn't tell you that when I saw a picture-perfect couple shot looking dreamily into each other's eyes right after I had a heated argument with my hubby, I got really, really triggered and overwhelmed with self-pity.

I didn't tell you how envious I was when others were always pictured to have such a fun time with their little ones while I struggled to connect with my not-so-little ones. 

Each time it happened, I felt like sending a post to show my frustrations and depressed state. Yet, I had come to realise that some things are still better kept than shared, not for the glory of one's "face", but for a bigger purpose.

I consciously choose to lock my good memories on Instagram, Facebook and my blog so that I will remember how blessed I am when I feel that I am not. The online memories make me laugh when I am emotionally down and lift my spirits up while reminding me that I have had good days. Till now, when a Facebook memory of a past post pops up on my feed, it still warms my heart despite the number of times FB has reminded me of that. It helps me to look back and see the progress we have made as parents, and as a family. 
 

So, I'm sorry if my posts have made you feel better of me but less of yourself. I just want you to remember that, 

Photo credit

*This post has been sitting in draft mode since Jun 2018. Finally tidied up the post and published it for you.

Best described as a hammock for your legs, it acts as a footrest and allows your feet and legs to be elevated into a more comfortable sitting position. For young children, the Fly LegsUp hammock can also act as a platform for sleeping flat, so they do not have to invade into your personal space.

It has been comprehensively tested by a CASA authorised Aviation Engineer and approved by CASA as a "carry on comfort aid".

Fly LegsUp offers an Adult pack (for older kids and adults) and a Kids pack (suitable for infants to kids around 9 years old). The only difference between the two is that the Kids pack come with an additional Large inflatable pillow. Both packs come with a flight hammock and a card-sized instruction manual in case you need help with the setup (or you can watch the instructional video prior to flying.) Weighing less than 500g, everything can be packed away into the small bag provided and clips on easily onto your luggage or diaper bag with the included carabiner.

Enjoying the in-flight movie with her legs fully stretched out!

How does it work?

To use the hammock, you will need to be in an ordinary Economy seat (not a bulkhead seat or areas without a seat in front of you) in order to attach the hammock to the arms of the drop-down tray table.

Whilst the instructions on paper look simple, my actual experience somewhat differed. Maybe because I was a little nervous before takeoff, I found it a bit tricky to attach the left and right straps of the hammock to the arms of the tray table while attending to Excited K who kept pestering me to start her KrisWorld entertainment system.

It took a few attempts to re-position the straps correctly. After that, the rest of the steps are pretty straightforward.

Tip: It's easier to attach the hammock to the tray table BEFORE the person in front reclines the seat. 

Once the maximum cruising height was achieved, the Tail of the hammock was tucked into the back of K's seat and the two Large pillows were inflated and placed flat onto the hammock as a sleeping platform for her. One good thing I found was that the hammock can also act as a barrier to prevent her toys from dropping off.

A playpen for K's soft toy!

Every Momma's moment of joy when on the plane

K is about 99 cm long and she can still lie flat to sleep with her legs curled up. I didn't have to remove her seatbelt and she slept safely and soundly through every turbulence. Even the Momma in front of me noticed because she had to remove her infant from the bassinet each time we experienced a turbulence. I couldn't help but share about this wonderful hammock with her. (:

On our flight back to Singapore while K was totally absorbed in Moana, I took over the hammock and tested it.

Now, don't repeat my mistake if you want to use the hammock for yourself. What I didn't know (until I came back from the holiday) was that there are SO MANY MORE WAYS to use this hammock for adults. It was a facepalm moment after I read the detailed instructions from the website!

Photos from Fly LegsUp website

Me using the flight hammock as a footrest

With the seat reclined and using the flight hammock as my footrest, the Economy seat instantly upgraded its comfort. I added one large pillow (half-deflated) under my legs for more support. Love this hammock so much because everyone in the family can use it!

Take note that the flight hammock cannot be used during taxi, takeoff and landing as with all other similar products.

We didn't have any issues using the Fly LegsUp hammock on the Singapore Airlines but do check with your airline operator before flying. In fact, during one of the turbulence, a flight attendant came over to check on us and smiled when she saw K sleeping soundly. That smile told me that I made the right decision in getting the hammock.

In addition, being so lightweight and compact in design, I don't have to worry about taking up my luggage space for this.

There are a few health benefits of using the flight hammock cited on the website such as helping to reduce to risk of Deep Vein Thrombosis (DVT).

At 90 SGD for the Kids pack, it is not something you'll be thinking of buying straightaway, but as any parent knows, you can't put a price to a good sleep.

So, all in all, I highly recommend the Fly LegsUp Flight Hammock to you. The only grouse I have is ... why didn't I know about this earlier??

If you do want to follow me on Instagram, you can find me [here]. 

:: 5 - Advocacy bangle for World Down Syndrome Day
March has always been special because it's my birth month. Since August 2011, March has become extra special because there is someone very precious that I want to uphold and speak up for, not only on World Down Syndrome Day but every day and for as long as I am still on earth.

It was love at first sight with this advocacy bangle from Special Miracles, a Down syndrome organisation dedicated to promoting the support, love and respect for all individuals with Down syndrome. I ordered one immediately, without considering much about its cost (it's $39.90 USD or $54.41 SGD). A piece of custom designed accessory that speaks a message very close to my heart totally deserves that price.

A World Down Syndrome Day gift for myself! Though it came later than expected, it certainly brings lots of joy this morning when the delivery guy came with this! Beautiful beautiful work by @specialmiracles ! Gonna wear it out later to pick K from school! . . #simplylambchops #downsyndrome #downsyndromeadvocate #nothingdownaboutit

A post shared by • M A R Y • (@simplylambchops) on Mar 25, 2018 at 9:22pm PDT

:: 4 - Grieving 
The picture was taken during this year's Chinese New Year and that was the last time my kids saw their great-grandmother alive and well. My grandma suffered a stroke in 2010 and was in a wheelchair since then. She lost a lot of her memories and would only remember each of us at rare moments, so my kids hardly interact much with her when my extended family met on festive occasions.

My grandma was admitted to the hospital early March this year and stayed there till she passed on on 28th March. Though we were all very sad to see her lifeless body, I know the big family is relieved that she is finally free from the physical pains. Nonetheless, I couldn't hold my tears when I received the news of her death. Thankful that my kids were sensitive to my emotional needs when it happened.

We had a short service during the funeral wake and I presented my eulogy as her first grandchild. As expected, it started well, and then, I got that lump in the throat and my voice started to crack. I had to pause and hold back my tears. It wasn't easy at all, even though I had run it a few times in my mind.

This IG post was done on the way to the Mandai Crematorium.

Was notified of my beloved Ah Ma’s passing on Wednesday, 28 Mar 2018. The family was mentally prepared for this day to come but still, it was difficult to control the tears. K was beside me when I received the text from our family chat and she immediately turned around to get some tissue paper for me even though she was engrossed in the tv show. . L told me he knew I was sad, gave me a hug and did many sweet gestures. On the way to see Ah Ma for the last time, he switched the radio in the car to play sentimental songs and reminded Zy to do that for me. . Ch offered me tissue paper and grieved with me. . That night, my heart was broken but it was restored with the love of my children. . #simplylambchops #grief #belovedgrandma #actsoflove

A post shared by • M A R Y • (@simplylambchops) on Mar 30, 2018 at 10:23pm PDT

:: 3 Giving thanks for our cardiology follow-up
Always happy to meet this doctor who has walked the journey with us since the first day K was sent to the Children's Emergency at National University Hospital (NUH). Why, you asked? Some say he is one of the most handsome doctors at the children's clinic, but for me, it is because he is always careful and observant in his checks and that he had seen me weep bitterly as a helpless mother for dunno-how-many-times.

So, when he sounded a little concerned after the ECHO but assured that the two issues were nothing major, I trusted his judgment and didn't question more. Just felt thankful that we have him and Him to watch over K's heart.

Went for K’s annual cardiac check this morning. Two new issues surfaced during the ECHO and ECG, but her cardiologist is not overly concerned. Instead of “see you one year later”, we have to come back 6 months later to monitor the 2 new issues. Praying that they will be resolved with God’s healing hand. . Always thankful for our experienced medical staff who rank among the best in the field. And they do their job with love. . #simplylambchops #downsyndrome #downsyndromeadvocate #nothingdownaboutit #Godisincontrol #allaboutkayleen #lifewithds

A post shared by • M A R Y • (@simplylambchops) on Mar 7, 2018 at 2:31am PST

:: 2 - Camping at Pasir Ris Park with our friends
Since our first camping trip, we have done a few more with the usual camping village. The kids especially love the freedom to run around without any restrictions (they are obedient to safety rules).

As for myself, I noticed I had less time to sit around and chat with my friends as K is more mobile now as compared to the last few camping trips, hence she would often wander away on her own. This meant that I had to keep her under close supervision at all times. But she still tried to sneak away! It was a good thing Daddy heard her and held on tightly by the tip of her blouse! That didn't stop this girl! She continued to inch forward while chuckling cheekily. My friend was quick to whip out her phone and snapped this memorable picture!

This is one of my favorite pictures from the recent camping trip. Friends who only get to see K occasionally tell me that she has grown taller and speaks more with better clarity. ❤️ . In this photo, K told us, “I want go playground” and tried to sneak away on her own. 😂 She showed a lot more independence during this camping trip! . 📷: @p2me1a . #simplylambchops #downsyndrome #downsyndromeadvocate #wdsd18 #nothingdownaboutit #morealikethandifferent #sgfamilies #sgparentbloggers #lifewithds #allaboutkayleen

A post shared by • M A R Y • (@simplylambchops) on Mar 18, 2018 at 8:26pm PDT

:: 1 - For World Down Syndrome Day 2018
Thinking about World Down Syndrome Day, I asked L that question as we walked to his school early that morning. For a 10-year-old boy who adores his little sis and would always find chances to play with her and carry her, I can see why his reply was as such. They are best playmates for a catching game or a round of hide-and-seek and I often find them together, chilling out on his bed. Of course, there are the usual sibling fights, especially when one just wants to annoy the other by hiding his/her things and not returning them, but they resolve and forget the mischief done quickly.

There is no denying that I am exhausted from my caregiving duties - as K's main caregiver, I have to send her for physiotherapy, occupational therapy, feeding therapy, speech therapy, literacy class and all her medical appointments, on top of sending and picking her up from school. On some weeks, the calendar on my phone is filled with more than five purple blocks (these mark K's appointments), making my weekly schedule look intimidating and energy-draining.

Yet, just like L, I will not wish for the Down syndrome part to be taken away from her. The truth is, Down syndrome is just a part of her. It does not define her.

Her personality does.

I asked L, “If there is a medicine to remove the Down syndrome part in K, will you want her to take it?” His reply? “No, because then she won’t be this cute.” . Six years into this journey, the initial fear of Down syndrome has gone. Replacing it is love and the desire to support K to do her best in her life. Wishing for many more years to come, if our Lord is willing. . March 21st is World Down Syndrome Day. Remember this day with our family and show your love for people with Down syndrome. . (Super love this frame for the Facebook profile pic!) . . #worlddownsyndromeday #wdsd18 #nothingdownaboutit #downsyndromeadvocate

A post shared by • M A R Y • (@simplylambchops) on Mar 19, 2018 at 7:46pm PDT