I feel so lousy.

I spanked Ch today. And shouted at her.

I did an action that shocked me too... I held her shoulders and shook her hard while scolding her.

All these happened as she behaved badly today. And it didn't happen just once or twice. It went on almost the whole day today.

It started when we brought her to a nearby coffeeshop for breakfast. She wanted me to carry her though I had to buy food. I left her with ZY and asked him to feed her breakfast. She ended up crying for me and refusing her daddy to feed her. We tried to explain the situation and after some time, she stopped.

Then nearing the end of our breakfast, she started fussing and kept whining and asking me to carry her. Trying to be patient and not create a scene, I told her to keep quiet but promised to carry her once I was done with my breakfast. She carried on. I ended up having to punish her when we reached home.

Back home, I had to mete out the punishment stated. It was time out for her at our "punishment door". Of course, she wailed loudly the whole time. This got ZY very angry too. After the episode ended, I explained the rationale for punishing her and she agreed to behave herself. She also apologised and we hugged each other.

Everything went on well after that. But the whole thing repeated again during her bath. She refused to turn off the water tap and cried loudly. This time round, it was louder and lasted longer. In the end, she was back at the punishment door.

Even when we went to Jurong Point after dinner, she threw tantrums quite a few times when we stopped her from doing some things.

The last incident happened after she went to bed. She's having a cough and runny nose today, so she woke up coughing after sleeping for an hour. She coughed persistently and started to cry. Then, she vomited and dirtied the floor and my clothes. I had to quickly change and bathe her before putting her to bed again. But she kept on crying and insisting on going to bed with her dirty clothes. This was the last straw. I lost my cool and started shouting at her, while shaking her small petite body.

I feel so lousy now. How could I have done such a thing to her?

Charlene, if you are reading this, Mommy is very sorry ya? It really breaks my heart to have to discipline you. But I'm just so irritated by your cries. And if I don't discipline you and stop you from throwing tantrums, I'm just so afraid that you'll turn out to be like some irritating students I have in school.


~ Update | June 5, 2014 | Now that I'm a mom of 3 kids, I have learnt so many parenting strategies through my own experience and from friends. Reading this post 7 years later makes me realise that I have indeed grown more mature and wiser as a mom. 

To help those of us who are still struggling to find the most appropriate way to discipline our children, you can read some useful parenting articles here and here. 

There is also a book that I'm reading now on "How to talk so kids will listen & Listen so kids will talk" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. It's a national bestseller. You might wanna get hold of this book and try out some strategies. I am only at Chapter Two but I like how the book uses comics to bring out its strategies. A summary of this book is found here. 

Photo credit

Tell me, how do you discipline your child when he throws a big tantrum?

Camp briefing on the first day when we reached.

To dear D (Chee), and Agl: thank you for encouraging us to go for this family camp. We enjoyed ourselves very much and learnt alot. My spiritual relationship with God has also been strengthened.
In brief, our church camp was held between 10 to 13 Jun 07. Initially, we decided not to go coz ZY wasn't sure if he could take leave during that period due to work commitments. Plus, we read bad comments about this resort, and we were worried that Ch's meals would be compromised. Fortunately, our friend Agl assured that she'll help to prepare Ch and ML's (her 2nd dd) porridge.

It was really an experience going for the camp once again. Haven't participated for many years, and this time round, I'm going as a mom. So, we got 2 luggage bags plus a few small bags. Ch's stuff filled up most of the bags (as usual), especially with the slow cooker and some vegetables. But this was also the 1st time we drove to Malaysia! With friends Vijay and G in our car, the journey wasn't too boring :)

Though my attention was split between listening to the speaker and attending to Ch during lessons, I managed to pick out a few points here and there. Also enjoyed the games and especially the family night (though I didn't do much for our group item).

Au (Chan) taught us a "macho clap" and "gu-niang clap" which amused everyone! Instantly, these two actions gelled the whole congregation! Even now, Ch does the gu-niang clap at home!! Heard that MX does that too!

I'm delighted to see that MX and Ch have become closer after this camp. Ch'll always talk about MX when at home. And she likes to play with both MX and ML!

Have gone back to work for 2 weeks, and surprisingly, I didn't/ haven't had any "withdrawal symptoms" from being SAHM for the past 5 months. Life just went on as before I took my no pay leave. The familiar shoulder aches from leaning over to mark worksheets and planing lessons using the ibook, the accumulated tiredness over the week and the no-time-to-tidy-house habit are back though.

Perhaps after recharging myself for 5 months, I seem to be more ready to face the students (am crossing my fingers). Am given three Sec 3 Sci (Chem) classes, and sharing 3 other Sec 4 classes with a colleague. Think my workload is the lightest among my colleagues, so I'm not complaining :)

Ch cried terribly the first few mornings when ZY carried her to the car to drive her to my mil's place. But the cryings got lesser and milder over the next few days. Now, after 2 weeks, she has accepted the wake-up-at-6 o'clock-routine once again.

I'm so thankful to everyone (from HOD, to P, to whoever handled my no pay leave application in MOE HQ, to my colleagues for taking my workload) for granting these precious 5 months to me. Without it, I don't think I could have fostered such a close bond with Ch, and to be able to bring her for her favourite Gymboree class & other outings. I wouldn't be able to witness and be a part of her cognitive and physical developments too!