As a mother (or a father), what do you think will be your greatest pain?

Is it when you receive news that your child didn't get into the primary school of your choice? Is it when you see your child go astray due to bad values and influence? Or is it when you know your child is capable of achieving more, but he is just wasting his potential?

For me, it is seeing my child suffering in pain, and the possibility of losing her (or any one of them). 



Accompanying K in the hospital since Sunday afternoon, I saw how breathless she was even without doing anything, I saw how scared she was of the unfamiliar surrounding and people, I saw how angry she was when the life-saving oxygen mask was placed over her face. I saw how she slipped into a deep sleep because of the tiredness from all the struggling, only to be woken up by the body's reflex action to gasp for a mouth of air.

And now I see her lying on the bed in the pediatrics ICU ward, intubated so that the ventilator machine can help with her breathing, with so many other tubes into her body so that blood can be periodically drawn from her tiny blood vessels for tests and drugs (like ketamine, morphine, dopamine) injected to help her cope with her critical condition. I see the medical staff rushing into her room whenever her monitor beeps, indicating something in her is off balance and needs immediate attention. She is heavily sedated and paralysed so that her blood pressure and oxygen level will be stabilized. 

K is fighting against a pneumonia infection which is complicated due to her pre-existing medical conditions like pulmonary hypertension and a small atrial septal defect (ASD) of her heart. There could be others, which we have not surfaced at this point.

K's condition worsened from Sunday night. She was so critically ill that hubby had to grant permission for many procedures to be conducted on her. The medical staff also prepared us mentally that K may need to be put on the ECMO (heart-lung machine) to take over the functions of her heart and lungs if she did not respond positively to all the treatment given then. I was advised to stay in the hospital for the next few days. 

"I think you should stay around" was what the doctor advised. 

My heart cringed with pain and I cried. It felt like riding on an emotional roller coaster, and I had just rolled down to the lowest point of the roller coaster track. Coming up the roller coaster is difficult, and crying is one good way of helping me get back on the right path. Now, whenever I think about how fragile K's life is at this moment, I tear. I tear not because I am afraid of her dying, as I know she will then be able to end her physical suffering and have eternal rest and comfort. But seeing the tubes in her pains my heart. Also, there are many things which I have not done with her, places which we have not gone together, and the whole family has not seen enough of her cute face. It is these selfish thoughts that make me not want to let go of her. 


Hubby and I prayed. We pray a lot for her recovery, and depend on God for strength and mercy. I know he is as sad as I am, but he chooses to remain strong so that I can cry. Many friends feel how I feel too, and are praying for K too. Her older siblings miss her so much, and I am glad they have found their individual ways to cope well, while daddy and mommy shuttle between home and hospital for these few days.

Ch bought these two ribbons from her school bookshop- one for her to give K, and the other for L to give K.

Today is Friday, Day 6 at the pediatrics ICU. I am stronger now. Many friends, colleagues and relatives have helped too. Every SMS and FB message, as well as all the hospital visits, bring comfort and strength to us. Thank you everyone for bringing gifts like herbal drink, snacks, fruits, chicken essence to remind hubby and I that we need to take care of ourselves in order to care of K and our two older ones. Thank you for offering to bring Ch and L out too. We appreciate all the kindness and love showered on us. 

A friend sent me this article which she found online. I'm sharing it with everyone as I see the great value in having a contract like this with your child.

Many of my students, aged between 12 to 17, fall deeply into this trap. Even my own friends' children are not spared from this addiction! And they are not even teenagers yet!

An online article states this about mobile phone addictions:

Cell phone use, like drugs and alcohol, may act on the reward centers of the brain which contain opiate receptors. When the brain gets its perceived reward—whether it's heroin, chocolate, or the fun of texting two thousand times a month on average—it wants a do-over, again and again and again. Suddenly, a behavior is born.

To be frank, I am guilty of having my phone 24/7 around me. I know how difficult it can be for me to disconnect with my phone. Now put yourself in the shoes of your children. It is going to be even more difficult to stop them from being addicted to their cell phones since they grow up in the digital age where they see everyone being digitally connected. 

Parents, are you willing to have a contract like this to help your beloved child?


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To My 13-Year-Old, An iPhone Contract From Your Mom, With Love

Dear Gregory,

Merry Christmas! You are now the proud owner of an iPhone. Hot Damn! You are a good and responsible 13-year-old boy and you deserve this gift. But with the acceptance of this present comes rules and regulations. Please read through the following contract. I hope that you understand it is my job to raise you into a well rounded, healthy young man that can function in the world and coexist with technology, not be ruled by it. Failure to comply with the following list will result in termination of your iPhone ownership.

I love you madly and look forward to sharing several million text messages with you in the days to come.

1. It is my phone. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning it to you. Aren't I the greatest?

2. I will always know the password.

3. If it rings, answer it. It is a phone. Say hello, use your manners. Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads "Mom" or "Dad." Not ever.

4. Hand the phone to one of your parents promptly at 7:30 p.m. every school night and every weekend night at 9:00 p.m. It will be shut off for the night and turned on again at 7:30 a.m. If you would not make a call to someone's land line, wherein their parents may answer first, then do not call or text. Listen to those instincts and respect other families like we would like to be respected.

5. It does not go to school with you. Have a conversation with the people you text in person. It's a life skill. *Half days, field trips and after school activities will require special consideration.

6. If it falls into the toilet, smashes on the ground, or vanishes into thin air, you are responsible for the replacement costs or repairs. Mow a lawn, babysit, stash some birthday money. It will happen, you should be prepared.

7. Do not use this technology to lie, fool, or deceive another human being. Do not involve yourself in conversations that are hurtful to others. Be a good friend first or stay the hell out of the crossfire.

8. Do not text, email, or say anything through this device you would not say in person.

9. Do not text, email, or say anything to someone that you would not say out loud with their parents in the room. Censor yourself.

10. No porn. Search the web for information you would openly share with me. If you have a question about anything, ask a person -- preferably me or your father.

11. Turn it off, silence it, put it away in public. Especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or while speaking with another human being. You are not a rude person; do not allow the iPhone to change that.

12. Do not send or receive pictures of your private parts or anyone else's private parts. Don't laugh. Someday you will be tempted to do this despite your high intelligence. It is risky and could ruin your teenage/college/adult life. It is always a bad idea. Cyberspace is vast and more powerful than you. And it is hard to make anything of this magnitude disappear -- including a bad reputation.

13. Don't take a zillion pictures and videos. There is no need to document everything. Live your experiences. They will be stored in your memory for eternity.

14. Leave your phone home sometimes and feel safe and secure in that decision. It is not alive or an extension of you. Learn to live without it. Be bigger and more powerful than FOMO (fear of missing out).

15. Download music that is new or classic or different than the millions of your peers that listen to the same exact stuff. Your generation has access to music like never before in history. Take advantage of that gift. Expand your horizons.

16. Play a game with words or puzzles or brain teasers every now and then.

17. Keep your eyes up. See the world happening around you. Stare out a window. Listen to the birds. Take a walk. Talk to a stranger. Wonder without googling.

18. You will mess up. I will take away your phone. We will sit down and talk about it. We will start over again. You and I, we are always learning. I am on your team. We are in this together.

It is my hope that you can agree to these terms. Most of the lessons listed here do not just apply to the iPhone, but to life. You are growing up in a fast and ever changing world. It is exciting and enticing. Keep it simple every chance you get. Trust your powerful mind and giant heart above any machine. I love you. I hope you enjoy your awesome new iPhone.

xoxoxo,
Mom

Since K's birth, going to KK Women's and Children's Hospital (KKH) has been a frequent affair for me. Sometimes, if she has two appointments in a day, I get to spend time with her while waiting. Shopping at my favourite places like Mothercare and having lunch - just the two of us - make the waiting time seemingly short. 

I also get to meet different people at KKH. As K is very friendly, her contagious smile usually earns smiles from people around her. Passer-bys will stop and play with her, or tell me how cute she is. Most of these people I will probably never meet again in my life, but there are the occasional few whom I feel more connected with. And this afternoon, I got to know a couple whom I'm still thinking about now. They have a 9 week old baby girl - Rachel - who has Down Syndrome too. R's daddy asked if K has DS, and we started talking. I could sense that they are worried about R's development and asked about K's progress and the intervention program she has. At one point - after I asked the couple if they are coping well with newborn R - the wife started crying. They shared that R is going for a surgery this Friday to correct a heart defect. I can imagine how much pain and anxiety the parents are feeling these few days before the surgery. It reminded me of how I felt when K had to insert the NG tube. No parent would want to see his own child being put through such an experience. It is too painful...

I am thankful that I have grown stronger emotionally since the day K was born. I will still feel sad and worried for K especially in terms of her physical health. But I am less fearful of the uncertain. I have experienced God's special care for K since she was born, and I'm sure He will always be with us. 



I am thankful that K is growing well, meeting her developmental milestones slowly, but surely. She is a testimony of God's blessings and I hope that through her, many parents will be encouraged. 



I am thankful for the love that friends have showered on my hubbs and I when we learnt about K's condition. And for new-found friends from Down Syndrome Association who share this special journey with us, sharing good advice and emotional support. I always feel a special connection whenever I meet parents who have children with DS. A simple nod or smile, and we just "click" emotionally. Hopefully, through the short exchanges with the various people we have met, I have given them the support they need. 

Here's a video showing a day in K's life. This was a project done by my god-sister-in-law and her polytechnic friends (and they got an A+ for this project!!). I like how the team portrays the love our family has for K. Unfortunately, daddy was working during the filming so you don't see him in the video. 


(Note: in the transcript, the sentence "... she has no muscle tone..." should be "... she has low muscle tone...")

Here is the background behind the birthday party theme for K:

This is one of the Christian songs we sing to our children in the cradle roll class. 

Since birth, K has always been on the small side. Her birth weight was 2.495 kg and after almost a year, she only managed to reach 5 kg. The doctors and dieticians were very concerned about her growth, and I would say that they were definitely even more concerned than I was. Let me clarify, it was not that I was ignorant or tried to dismiss any medical condition she might have. It was just that Ch was also very small to begin with, and she is definitely still very small as compared to her Primary 1 friends. So, the two sisters might have the small-sized gene.

After struggling with K's fussy eating habits for a few months, coupled with frequent visits to the feeding clinic, the doctors finally decided that it was time for her to be put on the Nasogastric Tube (or NG tube). On 1 Aug this year, she was admitted to the hospital to have the tube inserted and I stayed with her for the next three days. I was sad that I had to put her through this process, and uncertain if she would have the side effects which I read from various online sources. I blamed myself a lot. Perhaps she wouldn't have to go through this if I had tried harder to overcome her fussy eating habits. Or perhaps, if I had been more persistent in training her to use the milk bottle, she would have fattened up a lot more.


The doctor who inserted the NG tube did not allow me to stay in the room to observe. Standing outside, I felt so helpless when K screamed loudly all of a sudden. I cried and blamed myself more. The medical staff managed to calm her down before opening the door for us to reunite, but K still looked traumatised by the tube insertion process.

The stay at the hospital was tiring. I was kept awake by the other 5 patients sharing the room, and by the medical staff who came in every 3 hours to tube feed her. Each tube feeding session lasted about 20 mins- with one nurse holding the NG tube to pour the formula milk in, and another to carry her if she was fussy. I also had to learn the steps to tube feed her myself. Before each feed, a check had to be done to see if the tube was placed in the correct position. I had to aspirate and test the liquid with blue litmus paper. The tube also had to be held at a certain position above her head so that the milk would flow into her stomach at a suitable rate to prevent her from vomiting. 


Thank God for K's sweet nature. She wasn't really fussy during each tube feed, and was so cooperative with the student nurses that I was able to have my meals at the food court in the hospital. The nurses loved her and kept telling me how friendly and smiley she was. 


I became very reliant on the NG tube after a while, as it got easier each time I used it. Plus after I changed her tube to one with a wider diameter, the feeding duration was cut down to just 5 mins. However, a nagging thought was always at the back of my mind- that we must get her off the tube as soon as we can. It pained me to see her scream with fear each time a new NG tube was inserted. But doctors will only approve if she has a constant weight gain to the desired range, and that she needs to use the cup or milk bottle for the milk feeds.

At 16 months old, I'm happy to say that she is off the NG tube, and has successfully gained 1.5 kg since August. 

Photo credit

Our family loves The Avengers movie, and we watched it again for the third time during our recent Movies Night. It was then that L decided he wanted to be dressed up as Thor for the school Halloween party. I tried to persuade him to be The Incredible Hulk instead. After all, all it takes is some green face paint and a pair of pants for this costume. Easy peasy. He refused, insisting that he wanted to be Thor. Eventually, I managed to convince him to be Hawkeye instead. He loves Hawkeye anyway, and the movie has the hero dressed mostly in black, so it'll be easier for me to make the costume. 


I started googling for DIY tutorials four days before the school party and found a very informative site by Life Sprinkled With Glitter. So thankful for her instructions, else I would probably see a disappointed L wearing a skeleton costume. 

The following day, I went to two big neighbourhood malls but could not find a single black tank top for boys! Can you believe that? In the end, hubby found a black tee from Art Friend and we cut off the sleeves. Also got L a pair of black jeans and a belt to go with the Hawkeye look. 

Making the bow:
The DIY tutorial suggested using a PVC pipe to make a bow which really works and is safe to shoot. I used a long paper roll instead. Wouldn't want to risk having 20 children playing and shooting one another with the bow and arrows. 

I made two slits across the points shown by the red arrows and bent the paper roll to form a curve. Then I taped the whole roll with black duct tape. You'll need to reinforce the two parts which bend with more duct tape. 



Next, I poked a hole at each end of the paper roll and attached a string through the holes by tying a knot at each end. 

To position the arrow easily, I poked a small hole through the centre of the paper roll and forced the plastic part of a syringe through, then cut off the excess part of the syringe. The plastic syringe was also sprayed black to create a uniformly black look. 



I also added two tapes at the centre of the string (near the plastic syringe) to help L position his arrow more easily. 


Making the quiver:



This was done using a cylinder tube from a courier service. I cut the tube to fit the diagonal length of L's body. Sprayed it with black paint and glued a strap to the top and bottom of the tube using hot glue gun and taped with black duct tape. The strap was from those free bags which I received from attending conferences and seminars. Really felt good reusing the things I collected years ago.  



Making the arrows:



Hubby bought these two wooden sticks from Art Friend, but you can use anything that's long enough. My other alternative would be those wooden sticks we carry our paper lanterns with during the Mooncake Festival. I glued a small bead at one end of the stick and sprayed the whole thing black. 

Making the finger glove:
Followed the instructions from Life Sprinkled With Glitter to make the finger glove. Hubby found black leather scraps and handicraft rings from Art Friend. I measured the length of a piece of leather around the wrist of L to make the rectangular-shaped wrist band. Remember to leave enough space for your Velcro strip. The Velcro strips were glued onto the leather wrist band using hot glue gun. 



Next, I cut three thin strips of leather, each with the width of L's finger. One end of the strip was wrapped around the ring and hot-glued. Then the other end of all the three strips was hot-glued to the rectangular wrist band. 

Note: I tried to stitch the leather straps together, as well as the Velcro strip, onto the wrist band... but it was so difficult. The leather was too thick for hand-stitching and my fingers got poked too much that I gave up. Maybe thin leather-like fabric will work much better. 


Making the armguard:
Followed instructions from Life Sprinkled With Glitter to make the armguard. Hawkeye wore two armguards in The Avengers movie, but I think it's cool enough with just one armguard. 



Using black elastic band, I measured L's arm (between the wrist and elbow) at three spots and hand-stitched each piece into a ring. Be sure to leave a little extra length for each circle as you will need to overlap the band when you stitch it together. Then the last elastic band goes along the arm to connect the three elastic rings and form the armguard.  



L was so happy and excited on the day of the Halloween party. He said he didn't tell the teachers what he would be dressed as, 'cause he wanted it to be a surprise! 

Hawkeye shooting at vampire teacher

[Updated on 12 Oct 2015] Hop over to check out our Easy DIY Sea Quest costume for L! 

Migrating content from an entire blogging site to another blogging platform IS DEFINITELY not as easy as it seems. I'm in the midst of downloading and exporting all that I have from my Multiply site. Have sat on this action for a month, and have finally kicked myself hard enough to start doing something. At the very least, I've created a new blog here, and have started downloading all the media and blog entries from Multiply. Give me some credit please :)

Please bear with me as I go into hiatus for a while.

Birthday celebrations are always a simple affair in my family. Just a simple family meal with a slice of cake and a candle. But this year, we broke the tradition and had three themed birthday celebrations in a row! It all started with a watermelon-themed birthday party for Ch in July. L saw all the fun we had planning for Ch's party and requested for a birthday celebration too. And since we agreed to both their requests, it wouldn't be fair to K if we didn't celebrate her one-year old birthday right? That was how we had a Twinkle Twinkle Little Star themed party for K in August, followed by a Siew Mai themed party for L in September.

Here is the background behind K's birthday party theme.

Next, I had to sew the hood to a big towel. I started describing the steps written in the tutorial and Mom cut me off. Said something like that way of sewing is not strong enough to hold the two pieces together, and proceeded to snip and sew it HER way. I stood there, irritated by her good will. I probably raised my voice at her too. This was supposed to be MY beach poncho project, not hers. Why can't she just accept the way the tutorial suggested? Suddenly, the image of Mother Gothel from the movie Tangled appeared, and the song "Mother knows best..." started ringing in my ears.

(Source: http://www.eatthedamncake.com/2011/09/12/ where-are-all-the-big-nosed-disney-princesses/)

Looking at Mom, a sense of guilt came. She just wanted to help. Her method might actually be better and she just wanted to share her sewing knowledge with me. Yet I did not appreciate.